32 Back & Forth

Turning 32.

Things I like about it:

1. I get to celebrate it with many people! Vader, Baby Elephant and Chris, plus the many other friends you've reconnected with, mainly because you have become parents, and then go on to become dear friends with :)
2. It's not an OLD age, youth is relatively still within my grasp
3. I'm not an inexperienced juvenile anymore. (Just the other day, someone called me to ask me about my work and my experience, then went on to ask if I was married. When I said I was, and that I had two kids, she gave a sigh of relief. I could almost hear the speech bubble in her head shouting "Thank goodness! I thought  was talking to some young thing with no experience!" - I was tempted to say that being married with kids is not really an indication of experience, but decided not to.... heheh
4. I can look back and have lots to be thankful for - like I cannot believe I'm still happily surviving after 32 years. When I first met Vader, I told him my life would probably be over at 30, and I actually believed it, because I dreaded it then.
5. There is still a huge expanse of life, waiting to be explored, and I can explore, because of point 2 - I'm not yet decrepit and waiting to keel over at any moment

What I dislike about it:

1. Because life is relatively busy, with work and kids, birthdays for the adults now become almost non-issues... this year I almost felt like there would be no celebration and I was beginning to accept it
2. Expectations build - maybe my own, maybe my perception of what society expects of me... I don't know.... part of me feels the pressure to conform, part of me yearns to rebel - so nothing achieved that I would say I'm proud of
3. There just isn't time to celebrate it properly

On the evening of my birthday, I decided to live in the moment and heck care everything I worry about. I think that was the best decision I've made this month. I look at my tired eyes, and then I look at my kids. Somehow the look in their faces causes me to forge forward with renewed hope. This is why I hoard pictures of them.

Vader doesn't like his pictures on blogs, not even mine. But I disregard this totally. I love this picture to bits! Just putting up pics of the kids doesn't suffice. A pic of the kids and me? Someone's missing. So heck!