I dedicate this post to baby Elephant, although as always, there are always comments from and about others involved.
A few months before baby Elephant was conceived, I was already with child, but that child barely survived seven weeks in the womb. It was the single most painful moment I'd ever encountered, but I know that the child is now in the safest of places and ultimately, it is not my call how our lives pan out. After that episode, we wanted to allow some time for my body and our hearts to recover. We were not 'trying' to conceive, we have never tried because we have never viewed having children as an objective to be achieved. If we are honoured with a child, we will welcome the opportunity gladly. A few months later, I was with child again. This time, it was baby Elephant.
When an acquaintance heard about the previous loss and that I was pregnant again, she said, "well, at least you have a child now." I'm sure this was an attempt at getting me to forget the previous child and to focus on the one inside me then. While I was annoyed at this, I never replied, because I knew she couldn't have known any better. It is still a bloody stupid comment nonetheless. How could anyone in the right mind, think that this child could, in any way, replace the previous one? They are different beings althogether. It's like taking you and dropping you in the middle of the ocean to disappear into nothingness and then putting another guy or girl in your place, as a daughter/son/wife/husband..... and expect nothing to have changed.
So, baby Elephant, when you hear about mummy and daddy's previous loss, know that you are not a replacement. You are not digit number 2. You will always exist as if you were the only child we had. Even if you happen to have siblings in future, it will not take away from the love we have for you. Granted, there will be less time for everyone, mummy and daddy included, but the intensity of the love will be multiplied. We will give everything we have to try to make sure this is the type of household where love binds us together.
At this point, I keep hearing dissenting voices saying, "Love doesn't feed you, can't clothe you or give you an education." Yes these voices will always exist, both in and out of my head, but as long as Vader and I know we are not living from hand to mouth, we will continue to fight to create this world for the family. To these voices I say," You live your dreams of having that penthouse condo and we will live ours of having so, so much more."
A few months before baby Elephant was conceived, I was already with child, but that child barely survived seven weeks in the womb. It was the single most painful moment I'd ever encountered, but I know that the child is now in the safest of places and ultimately, it is not my call how our lives pan out. After that episode, we wanted to allow some time for my body and our hearts to recover. We were not 'trying' to conceive, we have never tried because we have never viewed having children as an objective to be achieved. If we are honoured with a child, we will welcome the opportunity gladly. A few months later, I was with child again. This time, it was baby Elephant.
When an acquaintance heard about the previous loss and that I was pregnant again, she said, "well, at least you have a child now." I'm sure this was an attempt at getting me to forget the previous child and to focus on the one inside me then. While I was annoyed at this, I never replied, because I knew she couldn't have known any better. It is still a bloody stupid comment nonetheless. How could anyone in the right mind, think that this child could, in any way, replace the previous one? They are different beings althogether. It's like taking you and dropping you in the middle of the ocean to disappear into nothingness and then putting another guy or girl in your place, as a daughter/son/wife/husband..... and expect nothing to have changed.
So, baby Elephant, when you hear about mummy and daddy's previous loss, know that you are not a replacement. You are not digit number 2. You will always exist as if you were the only child we had. Even if you happen to have siblings in future, it will not take away from the love we have for you. Granted, there will be less time for everyone, mummy and daddy included, but the intensity of the love will be multiplied. We will give everything we have to try to make sure this is the type of household where love binds us together.
At this point, I keep hearing dissenting voices saying, "Love doesn't feed you, can't clothe you or give you an education." Yes these voices will always exist, both in and out of my head, but as long as Vader and I know we are not living from hand to mouth, we will continue to fight to create this world for the family. To these voices I say," You live your dreams of having that penthouse condo and we will live ours of having so, so much more."
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