Narcissist

I allowed baby Vader to toy around with the camera this morning. He giggles when I show him pictures taken of him as a young baby. When I take a picture of him and show it to him on the spot, he is fascinated.

I show him how to point and press the button and proceed to guide him for one picture:

I show him again with his Tigger toy:

He insists on being in the picture:

I point the camera at myself and let him try taking a picture of me. He succeeds and repeats "ma ma", "ma ma" when he sees the picture. He then goes on to fiddle with the camera on his own. As I upload the pictures onto my laptop, wanting to proudly show his picture of me on this blog, I discover it's missing and probably was deleted by him...... I saw him going to the menu to fiddle with stuff. It was the only picture missing. Hrmph!


As I sit here waiting for him to wake up from his nap. I wonder, who's the real narcissist? Ha! I took a picture of the two of us after that, but it's too ugly (i.e. me, not him) to be put up.

Thoughtful Tuesdays

This picture was taken on Tuesday :)

I started a journal for baby Vader before he was born, so all his ultrasound pictures are in there. However, I only ever wrote in it twice, before this week. After he was born, the atmosphere at home was hardly pleasant (at least for me), not because of baby Vader, but because I was a new mum trying to be a good mum while still trying to please everyone around me. On hindsight, I think my tendency to be self-conscious and worry about what other people feel or think tends to get in the way of my effectiveness and most importantly, my joy.

With the younger one coming in 8 weeks or less, the same fears are creeping up in me, but this time round, I'm a little calmer, a little more ready to face and tackle situations as they come. I guess I now know that fewer things matter, but these few that do, I hold closer to my heart.

Now back to the journal. These are personal letters from mummy to baby Vader, not just a description of how he has grown and when he's crossed his milestones (actually I don't seem to be tracking them very diligently.... dunno why leh). The letters are about my thoughts on our interactions, my fears as a mum (just so he knows I know I'm not perfect but I'm trying) and certain explanations on how I see the world and maybe, just maybe, he'll learn that while there is disparity between our ideals and how the actual world actually functions, we can learn to appreciate the imperfections, to be more tolerant of things around us, to see that there is beauty in life. Perhaps this journal (as with most parent-child interactions) benefits me more than him. When I try to show him glimpses of beauty and joy in our life, my eyes also begin to seek out the blessings surrounding us.

Our Easter Weekend

Being approximately 57 days away from my younger son's EDD, the fear that there will be less time to spend with baby Vader is growing. While I'm aware that less time doesn't mean less love for the boy, it's still a worry nonetheless. He's also becoming more interactive and able to enjoy the places we bring him to, so I feel even more drawn to spending more time with him.

The Easter weekend that just passed, we had the privilege of spending close to three full days with him and I absolutely loved it. I relish spending time with him because it allows us to show him even more, who Daddy and Mummy are as parents, husband and wife and as individuals. I know children observe and learn more than we aware of. One thing I've noticed just the past week, is that when I tell Daddy what baby Vader was up to when he wasn't around, baby Vader turns to watch me. It's as if he understands our conversation and is checking if I'm recounting the events accurately. One day, I'm expecting him to interrupt and tell Daddy that Mummy forgot something or that I'm telling it all wrong! I wonder how much more he's aware of that he's not letting on. Amazing.

So over the weekend, we brought him to church on Good Friday and Easter Sunday and were able to explain the significance of this event to us. We've since discovered how he's been watching us while we read to him from his bible (at his request), sing church songs to him and show him how to bow. All along when we attend mass every weekend, he would be a silent observer (ok, mostly silent, not always though). This weekend, he's taken to shouting "Amen!", "Pray!" and "Bow!" while performing the respective actions at certain times during mass, it looks random, but we're not really quite sure because sometimes it seems there is some timing to it. However, we've also realised that as he discovers how much more there is to see, to learn and to play in his suroundings, he's begins to get restless easily, especially when the masses over the Easter weekend are a little longer than normal masses. I hope he learns to enjoy the true meaning of mass and to focus over time. I know this might take decades...... even as an adult, sometimes I catch myself drifting away. Having children certainly makes me learn how to be more attentive and focused, even in church. I am thankful.

Apart from church, we brought baby Vader to Ikea and Borders for the first time! I was so glad, because he doesn't get to go out much and sometimes, I feel like we've not done enough ...... many times when I hear about how other parents bring their child out almost every weekend, I admit I feel envious of their families and sorry for baby Vader.  I think he actually enjoys seeing Daddy and Mummy being out and about, having and sharing our meals with him, shopping for stuff and of course, being let loose in a child friendly bookstore. He loves his books and was picking out way too many books for us to buy, so we had to choose those that were age appropriate and tell him he'd get the rest when he's a little older.

At Ikea while Daddy and Mummy ate lunch.

His spoils from Borders.

Well, he can't read yet, but he enjoys being read to from these type of books, on top of those with a thousand flaps he can fiddle with. Vader told me that baby Vader picked out the Star Wars Little Library, while I was in the ladies. I wonder how much influence Vader had over his choice hahahhahah!



Third trimester nausea

I assumed my nausea disappeared right around the 13th week.

I was wrong....

It reappears now not because of hormones. I can see what's causing it this time round.

It is baby's feet kicking mummy's stomach area, just under my ribs. I see his feet poking out and moving around my stomach and feel like throwing up. I tap gently on his foot and talk to him, sing to him, he continues moving and then even when he finally takes a break from all the action, his feet land right smack in the middle of my stomach.

I know it's cute that he's moving so much and is unaware of his effect on me, but right now, I just feel sick......

Umbrrrr

 Baby Vader likes his umbrellas, anything that looks like an umbrella, even the lacy, pink food cover that hangs in one one of our kitchen cabinets.

Oh yes, he can't yet pronounce the entire word, so his attempt at the moment is an emphatic "Umbrrrrr!!!!!" .

On a separate note, I've been reminded several times, not to let him play in the kitchen, but I still do, when I'm there with him. I imagine being a curious child, looking into the kitchen and wanting to be where mummy is, trying to do what mummy is doing, and not allowed to. I would be frustrated if I were him. I teach him not to come near the stove when it's in use, so he stands at the kitchen doors and look in when I need to use the stove. I remind him constantly that the dustbin is a place we throw things and that we never pick things up from it. This one requires constant reminders because he pushes his luck all the time.