Thoughtful Tuesdays

This picture was taken on Tuesday :)

I started a journal for baby Vader before he was born, so all his ultrasound pictures are in there. However, I only ever wrote in it twice, before this week. After he was born, the atmosphere at home was hardly pleasant (at least for me), not because of baby Vader, but because I was a new mum trying to be a good mum while still trying to please everyone around me. On hindsight, I think my tendency to be self-conscious and worry about what other people feel or think tends to get in the way of my effectiveness and most importantly, my joy.

With the younger one coming in 8 weeks or less, the same fears are creeping up in me, but this time round, I'm a little calmer, a little more ready to face and tackle situations as they come. I guess I now know that fewer things matter, but these few that do, I hold closer to my heart.

Now back to the journal. These are personal letters from mummy to baby Vader, not just a description of how he has grown and when he's crossed his milestones (actually I don't seem to be tracking them very diligently.... dunno why leh). The letters are about my thoughts on our interactions, my fears as a mum (just so he knows I know I'm not perfect but I'm trying) and certain explanations on how I see the world and maybe, just maybe, he'll learn that while there is disparity between our ideals and how the actual world actually functions, we can learn to appreciate the imperfections, to be more tolerant of things around us, to see that there is beauty in life. Perhaps this journal (as with most parent-child interactions) benefits me more than him. When I try to show him glimpses of beauty and joy in our life, my eyes also begin to seek out the blessings surrounding us.