Back in the game

It's been almost a month since I started work. Most days, I work longer than average hours. How do I feel? Good actually! I feel like I'm able to enjoy having both some individual space to myself as well as time with my family. Because I don't work on weekends, I do get a break from work. Because I no longer stay at home the entire day on weekdays, my cabin fever's gone and I look forward to coming home everyday to spend time with the boys. Weekends are also spent on playing and sometimes just watching the boys play or interact with each other.

Am I having my cake and eating it too? Perspective matters, really. Of course I could lament about missing out on their growing during the day, but I choose to enjoy my workday while I'm in the office. When I say I enjoy my work, no I don't mean I spend time gossiping with girlfriends in the pantry or go for long lunches or coffee breaks. I actually work at my desk and relish being a useful member of a productive team. Then at the end of the day, I go home and my kids see that I'm all smiles. What message do I hope to send to the kids? I hope the kids appreciate me as who I am, as I make earnest attempts to stay true to my identity as a mother, a wife, an employee as well as an employer. I hope my kids see the wholeness of playing different roles that life requires of us and which we innately desire as well. Regardless of whether we work, we are all multi-dimensional creatures and I think it benefits our children to see how we manage each role. I believe it benefits them greatly if they can see that we tackle issues head on, coupled with a heart full of hope. I never want to live with what-ifs or with regrets. I detest being held back by fear because it can be very crippling.

I've never considered myself smart or intelligent by any measure, but I hope I can at least pass on the value of working hard or of pushing and stretching ourselves. Hopefully, coupled with inheriting their father's brains, they will be able to achieve a good measure of fulfillment in their lives.

Mommy's back in the game, boys. At least for now. Let's play it well and enjoy it!