Little lovers

Kids. Little people who will love you no matter what and will teach you most things about love.

Mommy's changed over the years. Changed jobs. Stopped work. Returned to work. Become skinnier so when you lie on me, you feel my bony chest. Have less time for you during the weekdays. Become more resigned to certain things in life, become more feisty about others.

Yet, because of you guys, mommy wears her heart on her sleeve. The way you two do too :) . That moment when I reach the house gate, when I see you guys smiling or running around, my heart leaps with joy!

Daughter

Not. Hah! Misleading title, yes I know.

My memory fails me so I can't recall if I've ever written a post on this, although I have a sneaking suspicion I might have ....

It started when Chris was still in utero and we found out he was a boy. It continues now when we meet people. Oh, all the comments are from ladies, except the last one. Here's a list of comments plus my honest responses that didn't get to see the light of day because I usually try to be polite:

1. "Another boy? Are you disappointed?"

Why would I be? I have a wonderful boy already and having another one would be like having a second special present. Boys are harder to conceive, apparently. My productive system seems to be superior, fortunately for me :)~

2. "You don't want to have a replica of yourself?"

Ermmm... No.... There can only be one of me and I'd like to keep it that way.

3. "Girls are nice to doll up, you know?"

I know, that's why I had more than 30 Barbie dolls growing up. I've since grown out of that habit.

4. "So wasted, you should have a girl cos you're pretty."

I know, and nature would like to ensure that there's only one of me.

5. "You know, attractive people give birth to girls?"

Ok:) it seems I'm the anomaly.

This one's from Vader:
6. "If we had a girl who looked like you, I'm gonna have lots of problems when she grows up."

This is probably the only reason why i might want a girl, because she would make her daddy melt.


The issue I have with comments like these are that they are thoroughly senseless. I have lost a child in utero before and if that didn't teach me that the gender, the looks, or anything about my child mattered more than his/ her health and happiness, I must be a moron. I am not, thankfully.

I still don't understand though, why gender matters so much to people.

There are also more rules or expectations that girls 'should' conform to. I don't conform to many of them. So if I had a daughter, not only would I be a non conformist or viewed as non compliant, I would also be leading her astray, or so it seems.

So leave me be, and I'll continue keeping my comments to myself, ok, to my little part of cyberspace that no one bothers with.

So Far

We have come so far and done so well. Take me further, even though I haven't a clue where we're going.

Yes, kids, most of the time, mommy hasn't the slightest idea where things are headed. But do continue to trust and things will reveal themselves in good time.

Afternoon naps

One of the things I miss most about being a stay at home mom are the afternoon naps. They're usually between 3 to 6pm and after the boys have been tired out by their post lunch play.

Why do I think I miss these nap times so much? Firstly, I lie in bed with whichever child I put to sleep for almost the entire nap. Sometimes I fall asleep, sometimes I don't. If I'm not asleep, I get to watch them sleep. At night, I don't usually bother to keep awake to watch them :)~ When they wake up from their afternoon naps, they're usually in a good mood, and there isn't a rush to get to the next activity. Maybe it's just something about napping in the middle of the afternoon and waking up at dusk.

For me, there's something about just being home with the children in the afternoon and having absolutely nothing to do but to be with them. And it seems so frivolous on the surface, but so crucial to the development of the child or to the relationship between child and care giver.

Thankfully, I do have a wonderful boss at the moment and the work is relatively meaningful so I look forward to working on weekdays. But still, I do miss these wonderful afternoon naps.

It's tough being a working mother. Wait, it's tough being a mother, period. Even stay at home moms running their own businesses struggle with time management because they can't give as much time to their kids as they'd like. I have to constantly remind myself why I want to work. I want to contribute to the household income and help provide for my kids. I want to be contribute to the workforce by applying myself and doing well at work assigned to me. I think I do appreciate my kids more when I get some personal space for my self development (i.e. work or hobbies).

What can I do to cope? Focus on the present. Tomorrow is a Monday and is a working day for me, but I still have more than 12 hours at home with the kids. I need to focus on that.

Just So You Know

Mornings are difficult for mommy. Not really because I want to continue snoozing. I'm a morning person so I enjoy waking up by 6.30am or earlier. The earlier the better for me, so I can prepare for work leisurely.

BUT, the two of you make it so hard. First, Chris, you take after daddy and would sleep in everyday if you could. Not by yourself though. You want to continue sleeping, snuggled right up to mommy. You whine (with eyes closed, mind you), if I get up. Or you start nursing and fall right back to sleep. You make me wish it was the weekend and I could hug you and let you sleep in for as long as you want.

When I finally convince you that I need to go workout and get ready for work, I see your older brother drinking his milk quietly and watching me. Baby elephant, you wave at me when I say good morning or sometimes stop drinking your milk to speak to me as well. I can't resist giving you a morning kiss. It's like I missed you the entire night because I take care of your brother in a different room at night.

You (two of you) make mommy wear her heart on her sleeve and she enjoys it tremendously.

Back in the game

It's been almost a month since I started work. Most days, I work longer than average hours. How do I feel? Good actually! I feel like I'm able to enjoy having both some individual space to myself as well as time with my family. Because I don't work on weekends, I do get a break from work. Because I no longer stay at home the entire day on weekdays, my cabin fever's gone and I look forward to coming home everyday to spend time with the boys. Weekends are also spent on playing and sometimes just watching the boys play or interact with each other.

Am I having my cake and eating it too? Perspective matters, really. Of course I could lament about missing out on their growing during the day, but I choose to enjoy my workday while I'm in the office. When I say I enjoy my work, no I don't mean I spend time gossiping with girlfriends in the pantry or go for long lunches or coffee breaks. I actually work at my desk and relish being a useful member of a productive team. Then at the end of the day, I go home and my kids see that I'm all smiles. What message do I hope to send to the kids? I hope the kids appreciate me as who I am, as I make earnest attempts to stay true to my identity as a mother, a wife, an employee as well as an employer. I hope my kids see the wholeness of playing different roles that life requires of us and which we innately desire as well. Regardless of whether we work, we are all multi-dimensional creatures and I think it benefits our children to see how we manage each role. I believe it benefits them greatly if they can see that we tackle issues head on, coupled with a heart full of hope. I never want to live with what-ifs or with regrets. I detest being held back by fear because it can be very crippling.

I've never considered myself smart or intelligent by any measure, but I hope I can at least pass on the value of working hard or of pushing and stretching ourselves. Hopefully, coupled with inheriting their father's brains, they will be able to achieve a good measure of fulfillment in their lives.

Mommy's back in the game, boys. At least for now. Let's play it well and enjoy it!

Effective eating with the 4 Hour Body & Nutrition Cycling

'Abs are made in the kitchen'

This is so true. Exercise and good nutrition must go hand in hand and I couldn't agree more.

So on my 50 day journey, have I met my goals? Let's see.

Is it now second nature to eat clean?
Yes, at least when I'm at home. I'm so used to buying chicken breast, eggs, frozen fish fillets and shrimp and salad and stir fry veggies on a weekly basis now. I love the ritual of steaming the chicken and boiling the eggs to keep in the fridge so I'm always well stocked with good, lean protein. I love grilling (sometimes steaming) my fish fillets because the fish tastes gorgeous and melts in my mouth! I love the sweet and crunchy shrimp added to my raw salads or stirfried veggies.

When I'm planning to eat out, I automatically search for the menu online so I know what good foods I can order even before I step into the restaurant. Even if I want to eat items that are not so compliant to clean eating, I already know what I want to order, so I don't go overboard on the day itself.

Have I reached my physical goals?

Measurements wise, I would say I've exceeded expectations. My plan was to have a 24.5 inch waist by December. I've achieved that now and some mornings, my waist is almost 24 inches. I'm not so bothered by measurements though, I just don't want to lose lean muscle.

Fitness wise, I think I've made a vast improvement from when I first started working out in February, but have started to plateau and not have as many personal best timings or reps. This is also one reason why I started adding more high octane carbs to my meals, like fruit or muesli to breakfast on days I feel tired. I also noticed that the day after I eat significantly more, I manage to hit personal bests in my workout. There may come a day when I will include carbs at both breakfast and lunch if I continue to see my fitness plateau for an extended period. I'm still hitting personal bests for now, so I'll keep things the same for now.

Most importantly, am I happy?

Yes, most definitely! I like the clean foods and I like the results! I like feeling lean and not bloated. Going easy on myself also helps prevent wild binges that make me feel terrible.

So I think this lifestyle is sustainable and I think I'll carry on with it. I like that there are also many salad places around now, like Sumo Salad and Salad Stop in town where I can get my protein and salad fix anytime! Yay!