Apology

What's in an apology? Those two little words said in earnest, the offender looking the offended in the eye and admitting he/she was wrong and should not have committed whatever the bad deed was.

The offender: me.

Victim: baby elephant (again!)

I lost my cool at baby elephant today. I've reminded him sternly one too many times not to hurt Chris but the message wasn't getting through to him. On top of that, he misplaced his Froggy, which he sleeps with every night and holds while drinking milk. So I tear into him and tell him I'm fed up with his tugging at his brother and tell him to find his Froggy. He climbs onto his bed and finds Froggy missing and cries, while I'm still shouting at him.

At this point, I feel like s*** because I can't protect my younger child and I add more grief to my older one by throwing a tantrum, an adult sized one!

So Vader comes home shortly after this and tells baby elephant that no one's helping him look for Froggy. I start panicking and look frantically for it, not because I choose not to listen to Vader, but because I realized no one else in the house was looking for it and he couldn't remember where he had brought Froggy.

I sat baby elephant down and told him he had to try to remember. I then told him I was sorry for shouting at him and that I shouldn't have done it. His reply? "I'm sorry, mommy." I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what he's apologizing about and maybe even how an apology works, but I melted into a puddle internally.

We make him apologize to Chris when he hurts him, but I'm not sure he understands the concept, apart from the phrase itself...

It's tough, but I do hope my children learn and embrace both the act of the apology as well as the change that needs to come with it. I'm still learning as well, but I do know that having to apologize to your child is heart breaking. Not so much because I have to let go of my pride, but because there is added pressure never to repeat the deed again... I don't want to disappoint my kids.

Interestingly, I doubt I've ever heard Vader apologize for anything before..... Grrrrrr!

Anyway, I found Froggy in the washing machine. Baby elephant left him there when he was pulling the unwashed laundry out. Sigh!