The boys have grown and are now teenagers. It’s a new space for us as a family - both the boys learning more about themselves and us as parents learning how to love them and provide the protection and guidance they need.
I can’t say everyday is rosy, but through the ups and downs over the years, I see the beauty of my children and hubby. Maybe I’ll explain in more detail in another post, when I manage to gather my thoughts into words.
I’m well along in years now, just a few years shy of the big 50. I can’t say I feel very different, but I do feel tired. Weary of life, but with the knowledge that I will somehow be able to manage it. I take it one day at a time and finish each week off, grateful for the weekends to rest. I allow myself the grace of not working over the weekend to make up for things yet undone at work, even though I know that completing things gives me more peace of mind. But from experience, this peace never lasts, because the next backlog list is hot on my heels. So I learn to sit with the discomfort and try to be at peace with it.
This morning, I had a random thought. What if… what if I’m already in retirement? I get to watch my children grow up each day, I get to spend time with them each evening(even if only for a couple of hours on weekdays), I spend weekends leisurely, I get to serve in church in a ministry I love, I get to work in a corporate setting where my main role is to coordinate and follow up on a few teams to deliver projects. I gym with a group of wonderful people. I meet up with friends every few weeks.
Perhaps this is the life I’ve wanted, and if I don’t take myself too seriously, then maybe this is already semi-retirement.
