Viral Fever

 I'm just back to work today, after 3 full days of what the doctor calls viral fever.

Fever that goes away after meds, but then creeps back in again. Not the ultra high temperatures of the low grade one accompanied by headaches, entire body aches, dizziness and the ability to make me feel guilty for getting sick.

I'm not eager to return to work, but I have to. I have bills to pay, retirement and children's education to save up for. The calculations tell me that I have to work until 55 at the very least, 8 years more. But if I want more security, I should work until 57 or 59, or at least transition to work that has lower commitment, but would still pay for living expenses. I have started dreaming about transitioning, yes the dreaming starts now, at least I have a goal or a timeline to work towards. I tell myself that the years fly by, and yes they do, but when i'm in the meetings that achieve little, when some of my days stretch from 8.45am to midnight, each second feels like forever.

I hope for my 2 little elephants (not too little now 😃), that they will explore and find work or multiple areas where they can work that doesn't drain them, but that sustains them and where they can allow God to work through them to reach others.

As for me, yes my work is also to share the good news in the corporate world where I work. I know that I truly can do nothing without Him, and even more so when I feel the situations I face are beyond my control. So I ask for his love and his wisdom to guide me, so that in all moments, the Holy Spirit will work through me. That when the arrows fly at me, he is my shield and my comfort and healer.

I recall 5 years ago, when I was in the same company I'm in now. When I was so lost I would sit in the dark and cry silently, not knowing why and without control. Maybe I'm not as strong as what's required of me to perform my role. So God be my strength now. The instinct to run is strong, but maybe I cling on to Him and keep showing up each day. Maybe in 3 months, I'll have a better grasp of things, or I'll have a better view on my work direction.

I'll take it one day at a time.

It's a Thursday today.

It's Friday tomorrow.