Myopia

You know when your child is born and as you gaze adoringly upon the miracle of his existence, time seems to stand still? Indeed, time does stand still in our hearts, because at that moment, our perspective pierces through the superficial and no matter how slimy/wrinkly/old-man/alien looking your child looks, we say he/she is perfect. Doesn't matter what religious background we're from or even if we are religionless. Perfect, right.

Then one day you realize you're asking questions like "why can't my child do this yet? Is he slow? Is there something wrong with him?". Even if we manage to maintain some of that perspective we had at his/her birth (let's call this the eternal perspective, just cos, there's no time to explain why so just go along with this label, even if you do think it sounds ridiculous), other people will very kindly remind us.

I find myself suffering from myopia of this sort. I was worried when Chris wasn't sitting stably the day he turned 6 months. Now I worry about when he'll
start pulling himself up. Holding our hands, he can pull himself up, but he doesn't yet have the tendency to or perhaps has not discovered how to pull up using furniture or any props around him.

So as if I don't worry enough to make myself sick, I encountered a certain someone (actually a stranger! A cab driver!) who asked me why baby elephant isn't able to read yet. Being the polite person I am, I just shrugged and said that I didn't know. Yes, I shrugged because if I arrogantly or nonchalantly answered, I would get badgered about my lackadaisical attitude towards my son's development. F*** right? Having to pretend so I'm left alone?

I do admit I'm not truly worried about when he starts to read. It is the interest that is more important and more sustainable than the ability. But I do have my moments when I wonder if I'm ignorant and not helping my kids develop at their optimum pace. These are the moments I feel quite enraged by such comments and want to lash out at people for giving me undue and unnecessary pressure. This conventional, kiasu, hot-housing method is NOT what I think my kids need. It's not whether I want it a certain way that is different from the mainstream ideas, it's just not the best way for them.

What's the best way then? It depends on what you want to achieve. If I merely wanted my kids to grow up being Mensa card wielding, president scholarly type of doctors, lawyers, architects, then maybe hot housing is the way to go. Will it make a difference to them on their deathbeds (yes, their's not mine) what type of career they had and how much money they made? I doubt it.

I'm not saying I want to bring up joyful and secure but non ambitious and non focused adults. I'm just saying that they shouldn't grow up overly preoccupied by what society thinks of them. I'm saying their foundation should be predicated on more sturdy values and not on trends or peer pressure. I think the latter preys on human weakness. I don't think that's the way to go. No way, Jose, no.

I need to look further into the horizon and reclaim that eternal perspective again, to see that my kids are perfect creations. Hell, not only mine, but all kids are. They will grow at their own pace and reach their personal bests. I need to help them drown out the noise that distracts them and perhaps put on blinkers if necessary. I need to appreciate the present but not get caught up by it. Because the present does not foretell the future accurately. Kids don't develop according to a straight line or a smooth curve.

As my rant ends, I am reminded of a special lady who has an autistic daughter. She put it very succinctly for me. "My only expectations of my daughter are that she can feed and bathe herself. She is what she is and I love her". I cannot ever repeat or type her words without tearing up. I see her around still, with her daughter, and I know she wasn't paying lip service to the crowd when she said those words. Just to qualify, it doesn't mean she has no aspirations for her daughter. Just that whatever she is, is good enough.

So proud of chew!!!

My helper surprised me today. We went to check out a playschool for Chris and baby elephant.

For a start, I'm not really bothered at the moment if the school actually teaches my kids any of the nursery/kindergarten/ primary school type curriculum. I zoomed in on the faces of the children.... None of them struck me as particularly cheerful. No idea why... So I'm still undecided.

My helper is surprisingly more kiasu than I am. She didn't say anything negative about the school, but she made two comments that amused me. First, on our way home, she said 'mam, baby elephant know all this already. Even Chris know Peekaboo'. She was commenting on the class we watched that was meant for baby elephant's age.

Then at home, baby elephant was running around and talking to himself, making up stories. He is quite entertaining, at least to me. My helper then smiled and commented, 'mam, you see the children just now, not like this, not so many words'. I just laughed with her.

I have no frame of reference, except my own children. I'm too lazy to constantly track their pace of development against Baby Centre. I don't want to be anxious about their development and put undue pressure on them. But also because of this, I hope I'm not doing my kids a disservice.

I'm just happy if the kids are happy and curious and yes, even a little cheeky. I tell them about things around us and about things in our life. I don't think they always understand, but I love the sound of my voice, so heck, I just tell them anyway.

So when even my helper shows such pride in baby elephant's and chris's supposed intelligence, I'm highly amused:) not because I'm not proud of them. Just that I'm proud of them because they are who they are and not because they measure a little higher when compared to other kids. I think they have some gifts that other kids might not have, but there are some areas they might be weaker in when compared. I think it somehow all balances out. So just let them be la!

Haha! Baby elephant and Chris, Aunty A so proud of chew!!!

30 Day Shred - Day 3

30 January 2012

Does it get easier? No.

Harder? Definitely, because I'm motivated to push harder.

What do I want to achieve from the
30 DS?

While the program promises a possible weight loss of up to 20 pounds in 30 days, I'm not aiming for that.

See, it's not that I'm not ambitious or that I'm lazy or lack the guts to reveal some big goal in public. I'm just happy the way things have turned out and who I am.

The way I see it, I am a mother of two boys under three years old. I got pregnant with my second child less than a year after the birth of my first. I do not have supermodel genes or the money or time for a personal trainer. The fact that I can already fit into my size 27 jeans with room to spare is reason to rejoice.

Yes, I have a loose tummy and an overall wider girth. But my arms have gotten strong from carrying my children. I don't hope to regain my pre-children figure again, only to tone up and tighten the body I am in now. I'm no longer the same person so why should I look the same? I think there is a beauty to every stage we're in in life. Even if I have more curves, more tired eyes, a waning memory, I hope I have gained more kindness, love, patience and can unabashedly wear my heart on my sleeve when it comes to my family. No shame in that. No shame at all.

Yes, I want to keep improving, but for the right reasons, for reasons that matter to me, not because of societal expectations. Idungivasheet.

Check out the quote about stretch marks. *sniff sniff*