What's in an apology? Those two little words said in earnest, the offender looking the offended in the eye and admitting he/she was wrong and should not have committed whatever the bad deed was.
The offender: me.
Victim: baby elephant (again!)
I lost my cool at baby elephant today. I've reminded him sternly one too many times not to hurt Chris but the message wasn't getting through to him. On top of that, he misplaced his Froggy, which he sleeps with every night and holds while drinking milk. So I tear into him and tell him I'm fed up with his tugging at his brother and tell him to find his Froggy. He climbs onto his bed and finds Froggy missing and cries, while I'm still shouting at him.
At this point, I feel like s*** because I can't protect my younger child and I add more grief to my older one by throwing a tantrum, an adult sized one!
So Vader comes home shortly after this and tells baby elephant that no one's helping him look for Froggy. I start panicking and look frantically for it, not because I choose not to listen to Vader, but because I realized no one else in the house was looking for it and he couldn't remember where he had brought Froggy.
I sat baby elephant down and told him he had to try to remember. I then told him I was sorry for shouting at him and that I shouldn't have done it. His reply? "I'm sorry, mommy." I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what he's apologizing about and maybe even how an apology works, but I melted into a puddle internally.
We make him apologize to Chris when he hurts him, but I'm not sure he understands the concept, apart from the phrase itself...
It's tough, but I do hope my children learn and embrace both the act of the apology as well as the change that needs to come with it. I'm still learning as well, but I do know that having to apologize to your child is heart breaking. Not so much because I have to let go of my pride, but because there is added pressure never to repeat the deed again... I don't want to disappoint my kids.
Interestingly, I doubt I've ever heard Vader apologize for anything before..... Grrrrrr!
Anyway, I found Froggy in the washing machine. Baby elephant left him there when he was pulling the unwashed laundry out. Sigh!
Countdown to D-DAY
Thursday, February 2, 2012
30 Day Shred - Day 5
Done!
First ever uninterrupted middle of the night workout :) and yes, I do feel somewhat stronger. I think I should push harder in the pressups. Have been doing half men's and then half women's pressups (knees on floor). Should go men's all the way. I shudder thinking about this for tomorrow's session.
I do get more tired the following day after a middle of the night workout, that's why I've been a little frustrated that my days have been so filled I can't even squeeze out thirty minutes of me time. I'm hoping next week will be a better week.
First ever uninterrupted middle of the night workout :) and yes, I do feel somewhat stronger. I think I should push harder in the pressups. Have been doing half men's and then half women's pressups (knees on floor). Should go men's all the way. I shudder thinking about this for tomorrow's session.
I do get more tired the following day after a middle of the night workout, that's why I've been a little frustrated that my days have been so filled I can't even squeeze out thirty minutes of me time. I'm hoping next week will be a better week.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
30 Day Shred - Day 4
Done!
Feels awesome! Except that it could have been a tad easier today because i had to stop to nurse Chris. Completed it nonetheless.
Today's workout was a middle of the night one as we were at my mom's today. I might consider bringing my DVD player n weights n yoga mat over on tuesdays.... It's the only way I know I'll have an uninterrupted workout. However, I do love how relaxed I am after working out at night. After my shower, I am free to rest or sleep. In the afternoons, after my shower, one of the boys might be clambering for attention and I barely get to catch my breath.
Day 5 next! Jillian does mention that you start to feel stronger from day 5 or 6 onwards. I don't know... I'm still having to push through all the exercises, especially the lunges...they're killing me. With my luck, I'll probably begin to get used to them on day 9 or 10, then I'll start on level 2 and start aching all over again. Haha! I'm progressing though, and I'm happy:)
Feels awesome! Except that it could have been a tad easier today because i had to stop to nurse Chris. Completed it nonetheless.
Today's workout was a middle of the night one as we were at my mom's today. I might consider bringing my DVD player n weights n yoga mat over on tuesdays.... It's the only way I know I'll have an uninterrupted workout. However, I do love how relaxed I am after working out at night. After my shower, I am free to rest or sleep. In the afternoons, after my shower, one of the boys might be clambering for attention and I barely get to catch my breath.
Day 5 next! Jillian does mention that you start to feel stronger from day 5 or 6 onwards. I don't know... I'm still having to push through all the exercises, especially the lunges...they're killing me. With my luck, I'll probably begin to get used to them on day 9 or 10, then I'll start on level 2 and start aching all over again. Haha! I'm progressing though, and I'm happy:)
Monday, January 30, 2012
30 Day Shred - Day 3
30 January 2012
Does it get easier? No.
Harder? Definitely, because I'm motivated to push harder.
What do I want to achieve from the
30 DS?
While the program promises a possible weight loss of up to 20 pounds in 30 days, I'm not aiming for that.
See, it's not that I'm not ambitious or that I'm lazy or lack the guts to reveal some big goal in public. I'm just happy the way things have turned out and who I am.
The way I see it, I am a mother of two boys under three years old. I got pregnant with my second child less than a year after the birth of my first. I do not have supermodel genes or the money or time for a personal trainer. The fact that I can already fit into my size 27 jeans with room to spare is reason to rejoice.
Yes, I have a loose tummy and an overall wider girth. But my arms have gotten strong from carrying my children. I don't hope to regain my pre-children figure again, only to tone up and tighten the body I am in now. I'm no longer the same person so why should I look the same? I think there is a beauty to every stage we're in in life. Even if I have more curves, more tired eyes, a waning memory, I hope I have gained more kindness, love, patience and can unabashedly wear my heart on my sleeve when it comes to my family. No shame in that. No shame at all.
Yes, I want to keep improving, but for the right reasons, for reasons that matter to me, not because of societal expectations. Idungivasheet.
Check out the quote about stretch marks. *sniff sniff*
Does it get easier? No.
Harder? Definitely, because I'm motivated to push harder.
What do I want to achieve from the
30 DS?
While the program promises a possible weight loss of up to 20 pounds in 30 days, I'm not aiming for that.
See, it's not that I'm not ambitious or that I'm lazy or lack the guts to reveal some big goal in public. I'm just happy the way things have turned out and who I am.
The way I see it, I am a mother of two boys under three years old. I got pregnant with my second child less than a year after the birth of my first. I do not have supermodel genes or the money or time for a personal trainer. The fact that I can already fit into my size 27 jeans with room to spare is reason to rejoice.
Yes, I have a loose tummy and an overall wider girth. But my arms have gotten strong from carrying my children. I don't hope to regain my pre-children figure again, only to tone up and tighten the body I am in now. I'm no longer the same person so why should I look the same? I think there is a beauty to every stage we're in in life. Even if I have more curves, more tired eyes, a waning memory, I hope I have gained more kindness, love, patience and can unabashedly wear my heart on my sleeve when it comes to my family. No shame in that. No shame at all.
Yes, I want to keep improving, but for the right reasons, for reasons that matter to me, not because of societal expectations. Idungivasheet.
Check out the quote about stretch marks. *sniff sniff*
Sunday, January 29, 2012
30 Day Shred - Day 2
28 January 2012
My muscles started to ache this morning, just enough to keep me motivated for day 2.
It felt good to workout again but this time, my legs and arms started trembling. That's good isn't it? Hahah
My muscles started to ache this morning, just enough to keep me motivated for day 2.
It felt good to workout again but this time, my legs and arms started trembling. That's good isn't it? Hahah
Friday, January 27, 2012
30 Day Shred - Day 1
27 January 2012
Woke up at 2 am to use the toilet, and saw that the 30 Day Shred had arrived, so I changed and began. No, i'm not mad. Was interrupted midway to nurse Chris, but completed it after. I definitely need to do this during the day, when my helper can play with Chris for say 30 minutes. Also, I'm gonna say that even though the workout is supposed to be done continuously for 30 days, I won't be able to do it on Sundays. So I'll be aiming real hard to do it from Monday to Saturday every week. On days where I have appointments during the day, then I guess I'll have to workout after Chris goes to sleep. I've just got to work around the limited available time I have to myself.
Definitely feel my muscles burning but the first day may be too early to tell. Oh yes, i remember now...muscles usually start getting sore the following day.
The exercises are not new to me, but they are definitely still challenging, especially after taking a 3 year break from exercise. Lunges, jumping jacks, back kicks, squats, bicep and tricep curls, chest presses, crunches... These aren't new, but the combination of cardio and strength and the sequencing of the exercises are supposed to optimize the workout.
I like that it's only a 20 minute thing per day and I like that the workouts are short, alternating bursts of cardio and strength training, so that you get a switch (i.e. break, well, kind of, or maybe just a distraction) just before you keel over in exhaustion.
On to day 2! Tomorrow's will probably be a middle of the night workout again, because I've got an appointment in the afternoon. Sigh!
Woke up at 2 am to use the toilet, and saw that the 30 Day Shred had arrived, so I changed and began. No, i'm not mad. Was interrupted midway to nurse Chris, but completed it after. I definitely need to do this during the day, when my helper can play with Chris for say 30 minutes. Also, I'm gonna say that even though the workout is supposed to be done continuously for 30 days, I won't be able to do it on Sundays. So I'll be aiming real hard to do it from Monday to Saturday every week. On days where I have appointments during the day, then I guess I'll have to workout after Chris goes to sleep. I've just got to work around the limited available time I have to myself.
Definitely feel my muscles burning but the first day may be too early to tell. Oh yes, i remember now...muscles usually start getting sore the following day.
The exercises are not new to me, but they are definitely still challenging, especially after taking a 3 year break from exercise. Lunges, jumping jacks, back kicks, squats, bicep and tricep curls, chest presses, crunches... These aren't new, but the combination of cardio and strength and the sequencing of the exercises are supposed to optimize the workout.
I like that it's only a 20 minute thing per day and I like that the workouts are short, alternating bursts of cardio and strength training, so that you get a switch (i.e. break, well, kind of, or maybe just a distraction) just before you keel over in exhaustion.
On to day 2! Tomorrow's will probably be a middle of the night workout again, because I've got an appointment in the afternoon. Sigh!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Ground Zero
An acquaintance I once knew used to tell me that he starts every new year at ground zero. He forgets all that he's accomplished, including his promotions at work. He starts out as if he were a new joiner who needs to work from the ground up. No airs, just an open mind and heart and sheer passion for whatever the year has set out for him. Inspiring.
So for 2012, I'm starting at ground zero. Not bothered by unnecessary expectations by both family or by social norms.
You see, even at ground zero, where I pretend I have no money, no room for luxury, no proven talents, nothing.. I've still got three people who love me and who I love in return. I am honestly, extremely proud to say that when I strip my life of all its peripherals, I've still got a strong web of support standing. I know too many people who don't have this and I know I am truly blessed.
1 month gone. 11 left. The clock's ticking away. So much to learn, so much to do! 2012, I've awoken from my slumber, so here I come :)
So for 2012, I'm starting at ground zero. Not bothered by unnecessary expectations by both family or by social norms.
You see, even at ground zero, where I pretend I have no money, no room for luxury, no proven talents, nothing.. I've still got three people who love me and who I love in return. I am honestly, extremely proud to say that when I strip my life of all its peripherals, I've still got a strong web of support standing. I know too many people who don't have this and I know I am truly blessed.
1 month gone. 11 left. The clock's ticking away. So much to learn, so much to do! 2012, I've awoken from my slumber, so here I come :)
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