30 Day Shred - Day 27

Done!

All pooped out today (pun intended), probably because of the break on Sunday and yesterday. So I gather that breaks aren't good. Continuous and unending torture is haha! There must be some truth in that; after all the working out, the kinks in my neck and shoulders have all worked themselves out :)

I'm beginning to feel sad that I'm near the end of the level again, and this time, the entire workout. But there really isn't any sense in that, since I can do it all over again, or I can repeat level 3 for another 10 days once I'm done with this cycle. Silly me! I think I fear the void of an exercise plan.

On to day 28!

Sweet Relief

Warning: TMI (maybe)

This is the reason why I couldn't do my middle of the night workout today.

A restless baby at night, trying to learn to crawl/pull up/walk. A restless baby who has not pooped for two days- Sunday and Monday. Had a medium poop during the day (on Tuesday) but I knew that couldn't be all.

He started grunting and farting at 2.45am after drinking copious amounts of booby milk. I knew then that we were headed for a possible diaper blowout. Soon, by 3.10am, he had done the deed and I was on my knees trying to clean him up while wrestling with his legs and preventing him from turning, pulling the soiled diaper from underneath himself, dipping his hands into his own poo. (Of course this sounds normal to us parents, but I'm recording this for Chris).

So Chris, this was you when you were 8 months!

I'm relieved that he's been relieved of the goop :) even at 3am in the morning. I also know he's not constipated because of the liquid/ soft paste-like consistency of his poop. !!(Ok, TMI here.)!! Plus I inspected the goop and found evidence that he has been eating - carrots, pear skin and flesh! Hurray!!

Sorry Chris... TMI...


This is him five minutes after getting cleaned up. Sweet relief :) plus I have barely any room to sleep, so I try to sleep crouched up at the bottom of the mattress.

Recurring mistakes

Let this list serve as a reminder of mistakes not to commit. I heard about them happening to baby elephant while I was at work or observed them happening while I was far away from the scene and carrying Chris.

1. Be absent from the bedroom while the child is napping, so that he rolls off the bed onto his head.

2. While the child is running into the path of another swinging on the swing, and you are only 2 metres from the child, merely shout and not take a single step to physically protect the child.

3. When you are 1 metre from the child, and the child runs to an area where the floor is wet and slippery, merely gasp while watching the child as he slips on his head.

4. Leave the child to play on his own while sorting out your receipts. Receipts that have no bearing whatsoever on your tax or retirement plans. Meaning they are utterly useless.

5. Tile your house and toilet floors with very slippery tiles. More time is wasted trying to dry them thoroughly all the time and preventing the child from entering the toilet the entire day. I don't give a rat's ass if they're sparkly clean because you probably use a toothbrush to brush them. They are accidents waiting to happen!

6. After the child has been scolded by a parent, continue to nag at the child and not let the issue rest.

This list makes me exhausted and even more angsty. Roar!!!!

30 Day Shred - Day 26

Done!

Was quite a stretch today. My shoulders are aching! Have been aching for a few days now. Hope I can get away for a shoulder/back massage tomorrow.

LB and BL

My little, big boy and my big, little boy.

Baby elephant has become somewhat clingy these days and wants to be carried and cuddled lots. Yes I give in to these requests within reason.

Chris is getting big and tall. Plus he no longer behaves so much like a baby anymore.

Still my little sweet peas though!

Myopia

You know when your child is born and as you gaze adoringly upon the miracle of his existence, time seems to stand still? Indeed, time does stand still in our hearts, because at that moment, our perspective pierces through the superficial and no matter how slimy/wrinkly/old-man/alien looking your child looks, we say he/she is perfect. Doesn't matter what religious background we're from or even if we are religionless. Perfect, right.

Then one day you realize you're asking questions like "why can't my child do this yet? Is he slow? Is there something wrong with him?". Even if we manage to maintain some of that perspective we had at his/her birth (let's call this the eternal perspective, just cos, there's no time to explain why so just go along with this label, even if you do think it sounds ridiculous), other people will very kindly remind us.

I find myself suffering from myopia of this sort. I was worried when Chris wasn't sitting stably the day he turned 6 months. Now I worry about when he'll
start pulling himself up. Holding our hands, he can pull himself up, but he doesn't yet have the tendency to or perhaps has not discovered how to pull up using furniture or any props around him.

So as if I don't worry enough to make myself sick, I encountered a certain someone (actually a stranger! A cab driver!) who asked me why baby elephant isn't able to read yet. Being the polite person I am, I just shrugged and said that I didn't know. Yes, I shrugged because if I arrogantly or nonchalantly answered, I would get badgered about my lackadaisical attitude towards my son's development. F*** right? Having to pretend so I'm left alone?

I do admit I'm not truly worried about when he starts to read. It is the interest that is more important and more sustainable than the ability. But I do have my moments when I wonder if I'm ignorant and not helping my kids develop at their optimum pace. These are the moments I feel quite enraged by such comments and want to lash out at people for giving me undue and unnecessary pressure. This conventional, kiasu, hot-housing method is NOT what I think my kids need. It's not whether I want it a certain way that is different from the mainstream ideas, it's just not the best way for them.

What's the best way then? It depends on what you want to achieve. If I merely wanted my kids to grow up being Mensa card wielding, president scholarly type of doctors, lawyers, architects, then maybe hot housing is the way to go. Will it make a difference to them on their deathbeds (yes, their's not mine) what type of career they had and how much money they made? I doubt it.

I'm not saying I want to bring up joyful and secure but non ambitious and non focused adults. I'm just saying that they shouldn't grow up overly preoccupied by what society thinks of them. I'm saying their foundation should be predicated on more sturdy values and not on trends or peer pressure. I think the latter preys on human weakness. I don't think that's the way to go. No way, Jose, no.

I need to look further into the horizon and reclaim that eternal perspective again, to see that my kids are perfect creations. Hell, not only mine, but all kids are. They will grow at their own pace and reach their personal bests. I need to help them drown out the noise that distracts them and perhaps put on blinkers if necessary. I need to appreciate the present but not get caught up by it. Because the present does not foretell the future accurately. Kids don't develop according to a straight line or a smooth curve.

As my rant ends, I am reminded of a special lady who has an autistic daughter. She put it very succinctly for me. "My only expectations of my daughter are that she can feed and bathe herself. She is what she is and I love her". I cannot ever repeat or type her words without tearing up. I see her around still, with her daughter, and I know she wasn't paying lip service to the crowd when she said those words. Just to qualify, it doesn't mean she has no aspirations for her daughter. Just that whatever she is, is good enough.

30 Day Shred - Day 25

Done!

Tough one today. Felt like giving up in the middle of the second circuit during the switch lunges. But I knew the consequences of stopping. Either I would make myself start from the top or I would beat myself up mentally for being a wimp. Either way, I don't think I would handle it well. So press on, comrade!

5 days more. Too soon...

30 Day Shred - Day 24

(Late post, workout done on 24th Feb)

Feels awesome to have to keep pushing myself each workout! Rock star jumps are the bomb! Killer!!!! Heart pumping like crazy. Legs wanna give way, but I push myself to lift off higher. Yeah!!!!!

Lots of room for improvement still. Good! Not getting stale yet!

My little Pookie

Awwwww... Chris....

The middle 2 pics were taken after Ash Wednesday mass, hence the ash on the forehead.

Oh, I just heard him giggling in his sleep. Sigh!!

30 Day Shred - Day 23

Done! Getting into the groove!

It's slowly getting better, not that I'm not feeling the burn, just that I can keep going through it.

I'm considering repeating level 3 again for another 10 days after this round ends. I don't know... We'll see! :)

30 Day Shred - Day 22

Done!

Skipped the workout yesterday, because we were at my mom's place during the day and Chris kept waking up at night. I was exhausted and slept only in snitches. Not even sure if there was a two hour stretch of undisturbed sleep.

Anyhow, I chose not to fret over it and just get a move on it today. Today was good, definitely. Still a torturous workout, but I had baby elephant beside me and that was all the motivation I needed. The moves I find really tough, I tell him I can't do it like Jillian yet, but I'm trying and I'm getting there slowly. So between talking to him and pushing myself harder on the moves, the workout was over and done in a seemingly shorter time today.

Then baby elephant tried on my trainers and walked around in them, trying to jump in them. He said he could jump and he wanted to be strong like mommy. Yes, I melted into a puddle inside. Sigh. If only I were as strong as he thinks I am. Only makes me wanna try harder.

30 Day Shred - Day 21

Killer! That's got to be the word of the day, probably will be for the next 10 days...

Not just modifying old moves to take the challenge up a notch. New moves! New moves that work muscles never worked before. New moves that, even done at beginner's level, make 30 seconds feel like a torturous eternity

To top that off, the cardio, is now done with weights! Jumping jacks with weights, butt kicks with weights. Punches with weights!!!

In the background, I hear Jillian saying "I want you to feel like you're going to die", so I push some more because I'm not keeling over or fainting or puking yet. It's crazy right, but she reminds the viewers of the reasons we bought the DVD. I think about how I waited for ages for it to arrive and how my clothes fit better and I think it's worth it. Phew!

So on to day 22!!

The Perfect Love Affair

No one knows how perfect and how intense the emotions run between mother and child except for the two of them. How the child yearns for the mother and constantly turns to her for nourishment, comfort and entertainment, and everything else too actually. How the mother starts to yearn for her child the moment she steps out of the house without him. How she hurries when she has errands to run so she can reunite with him sooner. How she wears her heart on her sleeve because of him. How when she hears his cries, her own eyes sting and threaten to well up and often do, when she hears or sees fear or desperation in her child.

Then the child grows and slowly, mother is no longer the sole source of nourishment and comfort. The memories of the time of constant yearning for mother fades into a distant dream. The heart remembers but the mind can no longer cling on to the memories.

The mother grows too. She grows to fulfill other responsibilities. To add more income to the household. To meet the different needs of the child. Her memories fade into a haze as she constantly struggles to meet the present needs.

They both speak with their tongues now, the language of adults, no longer the unspoken understanding they had as mother and infant. Sometimes words get in the way. When the child can't quite yet explain himself fully but wants to. When the mother can't yet help the child to understand her words fully but wants to.

The mother is tempted by the urge to hang on to all things babyish about her child but she must let go. Her growing child reminds her of that everyday. In the quiet recesses of her heart, she mourns the passing of time because her memories are being clawed away.

But it is true, that when something dies, something new and wonderful takes its place. The child still reaches out for his mother, but now with a blossoming personality, with idiosyncrasies that belong only to him and that surprise her everyday. These are the unspoken gifts the child continues to present to his mother.

How does the love affair end?

It never will. It may grow cold or it may continue to blossom. This is how I want mine to continue:

The mother listens and still speaks to her sons with her heart. With every passing heartbeat, her love grows deeper for them. Neither distance nor the passing of time can weaken the bond forged in this perfect love affair between mother and child.

30 Day Shred - Day 20

Done!

Argh!!! I have no idea how I'm going to manage Level 3 next.....

Going to savor my workout break tomorrow. :)

30 Day Shred - Day 19

Done!

Feel great but shuddering thinking about starting Level 3 on Monday. (Sundays are my workout breaks!) How?!! So much inertia....

Well, ok, once I've completed this round of the 30 DS, I'll begin on the Bodyrock ones. Can't wait! But those are killers, I tell ya! Time to order my interval timer :) Pink, anyone?

30 Day Shred - Day 18

Done!!

Eeeeks!! I'm 2 days away from Level 3? How did that happen? I'm not nailing Level 2 yet and still feel like I'm gurgling my heart after the workout... I don't feel prepared at all... Not one day or moment of comfort, but I think that was the way this was designed.

Push on!!!

30 Day Shred - Day 17

Done!!

Used another pair of trainers today. Made a huge difference to my ankles. Today, I must have pushed harder, because I was sweating buckets, much more than my usual workouts. Phew!

I rewarded myself with a teeny bowl of Greek yoghurt and granola as a recovery snack.

Then I remembered this quote: "Don't reward yourself with food, you're not a dog". Sheesh!

30 Day Shred - Day 16

(Late post - workout done on 14 Feb)

Done! Late night workout at 10.30pm.

Slowly progressing, but double jump rope.. I don't think I might achieve this during my first round of 30 DS. Managed to do doubles a third of the way but mostly still singles.

I'm still feeling the burn, even though it's already day 6 of level 2. I take that as a good sign though. But I was foolish enough to workout barefoot.. Because of my trainers that gave up on me. I may use another pair today, we'll see.

On to day 17!!

30 Day Shred - Day 15

(Late post - workout done on 13 Feb)

Done! Yay!

I think I'm slowing getting used to the punishing routine, but still can't do the double jump rope, only single. I'm glad though, that my pressups are better now :)

My shoes died on me, both sides this time. Vader said he would try to glue them back, hope they can be fixed!

30 Day Shred - Day 14

(Late post again, workout was done yesterday, 11 Feb)

Done!

I feel a little more accomplished today, although I still have lots more room for improvement. Cannot do the double jump rope yet.... Working on it :)

Word of the day though:

Punished!

Not me, my shoes. The bottom sole of the right side fell off completely. I glued it back today but we'll see how long it can last. These trainers have been with me since before I got married and has run miles with me, outdoors as well as on the treadmill. Good on you, my lovelies!

30 Day Shred - Day 13

This is how I feel after today's workout:

30 Day Shred - Day 12

(Forgot to post this yesterday)

Done, still killing me.

The abs part is still manageable for me. It's the cardio and strength portions that are almost puke inducing. And I've begun to agree that Jillian is crazy, yes.

I officially detest plank jacks and plank burpees the most. Oh! And the double skip rope portion, I keep resorting to singles because I just cannot keep up. Ok, so I've got a long way to go before I get comfortable with this level. It should be this challenging and it spurs me on. 8 more days of Level 2, I hope it's enough time for me to make good progress.

30 Day Shred - Day 11

First day on Level 2. Just kill me now....

2 breaks to nurse Chris. Pushed on and completed the workout but I don't feel satisfied because I feel I performed terribly today. Plus my left ankle hurts.

Hope tomorrow will be a better day. I'll also try to get better ankle support. The trainers I used today were more for walking and they were loose... I know, I take full responsibility for being foolish.

The Magic of the Mess

I love watching Chris eat. Not because he devours food. In fact, until recently, he's been throwing his food on the floor and seems to prefer playing with than eating. Well, the Baby Led Weaning book does say that babies may only start actually eating from nine months onwards or later. So I'm not too bothered.

However, I do enjoy the occasions when he finds the food tasty or at least nice to gum or tear apart. It's pure, unadulterated pleasure that I don't know how to savor first hand... I'm sure I could, when no one's watching, but then part of the joy of eating is also because it is, if possible, a communal activity.

I guess that's why I eat with my hands whenever I can. Bruschetta, burgers, prata, thosai, chicken wings, ribs (BBQ, in soups...) are all hand eaten. It doesn't matter if we're eating in a nice restaurant, I'm comfortable eating with my hands. Of course, I don't make a mess. I don't even put chicken/rib bones or prawn shells on the table if I can help it. They inevitably end up on my plate. It helps me control my portion size too hahaha!

But nothing compares to a baby learning about food textures, tastes, how to handle them with his hands and how to feed himself. Just look at his smile!

Most of the pictures I took only show Chris eating mango, but there was also tomato, cucumber and peach.

30 Day Shred - Day 10

Level One complete!

Now for Level Two next. I shudder.... Already, I'm sweating buckets with this level... I wonder how I'll survive the next one. I'll find out tomorrow!

So, any results so far?

Yes, my tummy's gone down and my pants feel loser in the tummy and butt area. I haven't bothered with taking any measurements before and after. Not much definition yet, still losing the fat I guess. Anyway, I don't think definition will set in until maybe after 3 or 4 months, so no rush. I'm just enjoying it.

30 Day Shred - Day 9

Yeah! Done!

Baby elephant came into the room today and was excited to join me. However, he ended up wanting to play with the DVD player and staring at the screen, saying 'watch television'...

It's scary, how addictive the tv or even simple exercise videos can be. My bad... Hopefully, my mom can entertain him the next time I'm working out and he happens to be awake. When he wanted to join me today, my mom conveniently left him with me so he was free to watch the DVD. It's no wonder many many, too many people find it so useful to use the tv as a babysitter. This annoys me to no end. Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!

Still, I take responsibility for not explicitly asking for help and taking measures to prevent him from watching. Lesson learnt. I've also learnt over the past weekend, that perhaps I need to tell people exactly what I need before I end up getting annoyed. Simple then, be thick skinned and ask.

30 Day Shred - Day 8

Done!

Can't believe I'm 2 workouts away from Level 2. Did all men's pressups today, although I felt like giving up. There is improvement already! Yay!

Think my arms have been aching since yesterday cos I've been pushing myself on the pressups. But good progress! Now that I've done all men's pressups today, I don't think I can cut myself any more slack ...

Surprisingly, I do feel myself getting progressively stronger by the day. My clothes fit better too, although I still have a jiggly pooch and flabby thighs to continue working off. But I think they will probably take maybe 4 to 6 months of regular exercise to work off, or maybe I'll need to put up with them permanently... Haha whatever will be will be.

30 Day Shred - Day 7

Done, but tough today. I was sleepy and half wanted to leave it to tonight but went ahead anyway. Wanted to just stop and lie down midway but pushed through. Glad I did. Tonight, I'm not waking up for anything apart from sleep nursing Chris.

Yeah!!

So proud of chew!!!

My helper surprised me today. We went to check out a playschool for Chris and baby elephant.

For a start, I'm not really bothered at the moment if the school actually teaches my kids any of the nursery/kindergarten/ primary school type curriculum. I zoomed in on the faces of the children.... None of them struck me as particularly cheerful. No idea why... So I'm still undecided.

My helper is surprisingly more kiasu than I am. She didn't say anything negative about the school, but she made two comments that amused me. First, on our way home, she said 'mam, baby elephant know all this already. Even Chris know Peekaboo'. She was commenting on the class we watched that was meant for baby elephant's age.

Then at home, baby elephant was running around and talking to himself, making up stories. He is quite entertaining, at least to me. My helper then smiled and commented, 'mam, you see the children just now, not like this, not so many words'. I just laughed with her.

I have no frame of reference, except my own children. I'm too lazy to constantly track their pace of development against Baby Centre. I don't want to be anxious about their development and put undue pressure on them. But also because of this, I hope I'm not doing my kids a disservice.

I'm just happy if the kids are happy and curious and yes, even a little cheeky. I tell them about things around us and about things in our life. I don't think they always understand, but I love the sound of my voice, so heck, I just tell them anyway.

So when even my helper shows such pride in baby elephant's and chris's supposed intelligence, I'm highly amused:) not because I'm not proud of them. Just that I'm proud of them because they are who they are and not because they measure a little higher when compared to other kids. I think they have some gifts that other kids might not have, but there are some areas they might be weaker in when compared. I think it somehow all balances out. So just let them be la!

Haha! Baby elephant and Chris, Aunty A so proud of chew!!!

30 Day Shred - Day 6

1/5 of the 30 DS completed!

Yeah!!! Good day today! Night work out started at 9.40pm with zero interruptions. Guess I'm ok if there are. I'll just continue when Chris goes back to sleep.

Still cannot push through with all men's pressups. Damn! Well I figure, since the women's version is still somewhat challenging to me, I'll give myself more time to convert all of them to men's. Slowly but surely!

Sweet! One more day to the weekend. Lights out, folks!

Apology

What's in an apology? Those two little words said in earnest, the offender looking the offended in the eye and admitting he/she was wrong and should not have committed whatever the bad deed was.

The offender: me.

Victim: baby elephant (again!)

I lost my cool at baby elephant today. I've reminded him sternly one too many times not to hurt Chris but the message wasn't getting through to him. On top of that, he misplaced his Froggy, which he sleeps with every night and holds while drinking milk. So I tear into him and tell him I'm fed up with his tugging at his brother and tell him to find his Froggy. He climbs onto his bed and finds Froggy missing and cries, while I'm still shouting at him.

At this point, I feel like s*** because I can't protect my younger child and I add more grief to my older one by throwing a tantrum, an adult sized one!

So Vader comes home shortly after this and tells baby elephant that no one's helping him look for Froggy. I start panicking and look frantically for it, not because I choose not to listen to Vader, but because I realized no one else in the house was looking for it and he couldn't remember where he had brought Froggy.

I sat baby elephant down and told him he had to try to remember. I then told him I was sorry for shouting at him and that I shouldn't have done it. His reply? "I'm sorry, mommy." I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what he's apologizing about and maybe even how an apology works, but I melted into a puddle internally.

We make him apologize to Chris when he hurts him, but I'm not sure he understands the concept, apart from the phrase itself...

It's tough, but I do hope my children learn and embrace both the act of the apology as well as the change that needs to come with it. I'm still learning as well, but I do know that having to apologize to your child is heart breaking. Not so much because I have to let go of my pride, but because there is added pressure never to repeat the deed again... I don't want to disappoint my kids.

Interestingly, I doubt I've ever heard Vader apologize for anything before..... Grrrrrr!

Anyway, I found Froggy in the washing machine. Baby elephant left him there when he was pulling the unwashed laundry out. Sigh!

30 Day Shred - Day 5

Done!

First ever uninterrupted middle of the night workout :) and yes, I do feel somewhat stronger. I think I should push harder in the pressups. Have been doing half men's and then half women's pressups (knees on floor). Should go men's all the way. I shudder thinking about this for tomorrow's session.

I do get more tired the following day after a middle of the night workout, that's why I've been a little frustrated that my days have been so filled I can't even squeeze out thirty minutes of me time. I'm hoping next week will be a better week.

30 Day Shred - Day 4

Done!

Feels awesome! Except that it could have been a tad easier today because i had to stop to nurse Chris. Completed it nonetheless.

Today's workout was a middle of the night one as we were at my mom's today. I might consider bringing my DVD player n weights n yoga mat over on tuesdays.... It's the only way I know I'll have an uninterrupted workout. However, I do love how relaxed I am after working out at night. After my shower, I am free to rest or sleep. In the afternoons, after my shower, one of the boys might be clambering for attention and I barely get to catch my breath.

Day 5 next! Jillian does mention that you start to feel stronger from day 5 or 6 onwards. I don't know... I'm still having to push through all the exercises, especially the lunges...they're killing me. With my luck, I'll probably begin to get used to them on day 9 or 10, then I'll start on level 2 and start aching all over again. Haha! I'm progressing though, and I'm happy:)